For Destiny
by iwrestledabeartwice
Summary: Neji will do anything for Destiny. Rated K and up for mild language. oneshot! no flames plz! R


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I wish I did. Then, I would be rich as hell!

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One day in The Village Hidden In The Leaves:

"Lady Tsunade! You haven't done any of the paperwork assigned to you for weeks!" Shizune said.

"You… shut up!"

Tsunade staggered to her feet and to the refrigerator. She pulled out _another_ bottle of sake. Drunk, she flopped in her chair.

"You worry too much, Shizune! It's not like anyone is going to barge in here, demand we do something, anything, and threaten to report us if we don't comply!"

Just then, Naruto barged in. "I demand you do something, anything to open Ichiraku today!"

"It's Groundhog Day. They are gone to see the groundhog today!"

"If you don't do anything, I'm going to report you for doing nothing but drink sake all day for the past two weeks!" He then ran out.

Tsunade broke her sake bottle, empty, on her chair, forming a sharp, pointy weapon. "Not if I can help it!" she said. She ran out after Naruto as if she were a sober

murderer. She threw the half of the bottle with the bottom of it attached. It stabbed him in the back and killed him. Kakashi just happened to be walking by when he

witnessed the murder. With eye wide, he turned to face the murderer who stabbed his face with the other half of the bottle.

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About a week later, Tsunade found herself in court. Outside, Neji was proclaiming "The fall of the Leaf Village! Destiny has claimed this land! We must flee!" Everyone just ignored him.

The bailiff inside said, "Since Hokage-sama is usually the judge, who shall supervise this procedure and pronounce her sentence?"

Tsunade, puzzled, yelled out, "What? You use a lot of big words." She was drunk, as usual.

Shizune, being her lawyer, said, "Let me do all the talking, Lady Tsunade. What he said was, who is going to send you to jail if you usually do that?"

"…Oh."

Another court official said, "We have found someone!"

It was Sasuke Uchiha. He walked into the courtroom and the bailiff said, "All rise for the honorable Uchiha Sasuke." Everyone but Tsunade rose. The jury and witnesses gasped. Shizune quickly grabbed her and pulled her up. Tsunade exclaimed, "What?! He's not honorable! If anything, he's… dishonorable!"

Sasuke pounded his gavel. "Silence! Order in the court! I always wanted to say that. You may be seated!"

A quiet, but annoying tapping was at the window. As everyone turned to face it, it was Neji, crying, "Destiny has sealed your fate! She'll be thrown in prison and Satan shall come to consume this village!"

Orochimaru, in the distance with Kabuto, heard this and whispered to Kabuto, "They're onto us!"

Sasuke was tired of listening to Neji's rant. "How can we silence him, bailiff?"

"Well, he is persuaded by destiny."

"Ah, I know what to do." Sasuke went outside to Neji. "You know, Neji, I've seen Destiny before, in the flesh!" Neji's eyes got wide as he listened intently to Sasuke's

words. "Destiny wants you to see him too! So he told me to do this." Sasuke taped Neji's mouth repeatedly about 20 times. "Now, you can shut up, and look for Destiny

with your eyes."

Sasuke went back inside. "All right. Now, what is the defendant's opening statement?"

Tsunade quickly stood up and shouted, "FUCK YOU!!!"

Shizune knocked her back in her chair. "Shut up! He means do you plea guilty or innocent." She turned to Sasuke. "The defendant pleas not guilty."

Tsunade stood up again and shouted, "No, I'm not! I'm innocent!"

Shizune said, "Innocent means not guilty."

"Oh."

Sasuke sighed. "What is the plaintiff's first witness?"

He turned to where the plaintiff was supposed to be, but the chair was empty.

"Where's the plaintiff, bailiff?"

"Uh, well, there isn't exactly a plaintiff. They were murdered."

"So this is a trial of state?"

"Yes."

"Screw it. Tsunade, life in prison. Shizune, your stupid. Go take a vacation and forget about this idiot who you served your life for. Let prison do that now."

Shizune's eyes glistened as he spoke, for she so longed for a vacation, but Tsunade always needed her for sake money. She ran out screaming, "Vacation!!! Whoo!"

Sasuke walked out and saw Neji frantically searching for Destiny. He was tired of the whole Destiny thing, so he said, "Destiny spoke to me again. He apologizes for not

being able to meet you as he so wanted to do. But he says you can come see him. If you jump off that ridiculously tall building over there that I've never noticed before,

Destiny will open a portal in the road for you to come live with him forever!"

Neji ran over to the ridiculously tall building and started running up the side of it. He ripped off the tape about halfway up and screamed, "Destiny! DESTINY!!!" Everyone

nearby looked up and thought,, _Since when has that ridiculously tall building been in this village? I've never noticed it before._ or something of that nature. When Neji

reached the top, he jumped off the edge and cried out, "Destiny told me to!"

Just before he reached the 'portal', Naruto smashed into him with his car which flung him into the ocean. Naruto screamed, "Damn! And I just got it imported, too! I knew I should've gotten driving lessons! Fuck!"

Sasuke saw what happened and quickly had the bailiff take Naruto to prison for:

A: Having an illegal vehicle in Konoha

B: _Driving _an illegal vehicle in Konoha

C: Committing murder of a suicidal maniac

Happy, Sasuke left the scene to relax along the shore behind his mansion.

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THE END


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